RIP OUT THE WINGS OF THE BUTTERFLIES

I haven't felt this desire to smite people for a very long time. It actually feels good and invigorating, like I'm suddenly aware of my whole being, along with my situation. It gets me reacquainted with certain facts about the people surrounding me and the environment that is now the battlefield. This is where I'd have to look at all the chest pieces that could be of use.

And don't get me wrong. I'm on a mission to slay beasts. My enemies are way far from being alike with butterflies; they are hideous creatures who've reached a certain authority and power with time but whose personalities have gone corrupt and vile. They've actually deteriorated in certain aspects. From this day onward, I am taking a silent vow to undertake a mission of damaging them and getting a dish of revenge. It would, without doubt, take time before I'll get the tiniest of result but time is all I have now, no matter how impatient I truly am. I have no power right now, my only protection is to play with their games and dance with their hands; so for this particular mission alone, I have to go slow if I want to go fast.

At the first steps of this project, I'd have to seem the least threatening, which is actually one skill I've already acquired mastery of but still proves to be dangerous as it can be a double-edged sword. Looking like a powerless and unnoticeable lass can rub off on you if you lose your focus. The con image you're establishing can at times eat you progressively with each passing days that you'd have trouble separating which is from which is not, the real you from the fake persona. Eyes on the goal. Don't get distracted! I'd have to build on this while secretly accumulating the necessary information, knowledge and connection to acquire such power that could at least deter them.

I'm taking up the strong ones heads on.

MONSTER # 1

I'd like to call her PITBULL (this is actually an insult to the actual animal since the human is uglier).

The following are her stats:

          HP: ?????
          MP: 9999
          Influence: Very strong
          Power: Formidable
          Susceptibility to the play: Moderate

How did she unknowingly enter my radar and consequently my Hunt List? She's a damn egoistic and narcissistic bitch. She showers at her own pride and at her self proclaimed wisdom when the truth is she's actually a self-conscious drag and deep down she has her own inferiority complex. Oh, I have keen eyes for this. When a person is knowledgeable, she needn't force her words onto people nor keep proving how knowledgeable she is. People would see and acknowledge it naturally. People have innate skills to pinpoint the characters who are with wisdom and certain knowledge. (Of course even with innate abilities, some who are on a higher level can still dupe and overcome the other. Such is the Law of Survival).

So this Pitbull, every single fckng time she holds a lecture-seminar, she'd get unreasonably angry when people aren't writing down her notes! The FCK?!! She gets insulted when she sees no hands scribbling down every now and then! For the record, WE may be newly hired BUT we aren't kids and are certainly not some idiots. We are adults who are perfectly capable of recognizing which information we need from those we need not retain. We are thinking people who may already know some of what she say and are confident enough to retain the important points of her so called lecture. We can decide on what we need to write, what we want to write and we do not have to copy points in every slide she flashes. Pitbull is so irritatingly EGOISTIC. Doesn't she realize that us not jotting downs is not an insult? She's taking the little things as personal! Then she had the nerve to get mad and say: "If you think you're all experts and already know my lecture, then you don't need to come here blah, blah, blah"--when her audience are actually just keeping to themselves and not even saying anything nor thinking anything. WHY the hell does she need to say those ugly words if she isn't so damn egoistic and conscious of her self? It felt like she's forcing us to recognize her own glory. It makes me puke. In my opinion, it's our loss if we are not writing or not listening to her lecture. There's no need to take it personal.

The next scenario was of Pitbull seeing me scribbling notes on a tissue. Oh, you should have seen her face. It looked as if she's been slapped! She loss her control and uttered: "Why are you writing my notes on a tissue? Are you planning on throwing that away after as if my words are trash?" Hey, Pitbull, why would you think like that unless you truly are not confident enough!? She damn well took it personally and started yapping without hearing my side. I actually pitied her. If she'd only asked, I'd have answered that it's only because I rewrite my important notes in a separate organized set of sheets after reviewing them again at home. She'd have looked more respectable then if the other audience heard it, her bloody ego would have also been fed. Truth is I was in a middle of a case when she called me to attend her lecture. She ought to be glad I even bothered to be resourceful for her.

Then she sees one man looking sleepy during her lecture and said, "If you're feeling sleepy, then go out and wash your face first before coming back here. My lecture is actually very important, you all have to be very attentive." I think it's her habit to keep boosting her ego. I lost count how many times she mentioned of her lecture being very important. We got the point already. But she's taking all the little things as an insult to her stature.

MONSTER # 2


I'd like to call her PUSSY.

The following are her stats:

          HP: ?????
          MP: 9999
          Influence: Very strong
          Power: Formidable
          Susceptibility to the play: Hard

Pussy is not someone I'd expect to enter my Hunt List. Contrary to Pitbull, Pussy is actually really knowledgeable and she needn't prove it. People would just recognize her traits naturally. She also isn't egoistic. Her fault: she wants to be the only one who's good and is praised. Fcking CRAB MENTALITY. That's what she has. There are no big and obvious scenarios for her, unlike with Pitbull. Pussy is actually very crafty but once you get close enough to her, you'd smell the rotting stench of her persona. It's with the little things where you'd see the faint clues of her crab mentality. She must be really proud that she'd want to hug the praises all to herself. She's the enemy I must be wary of since she can whisper poisons to bigger bosses.

I got a good feedback, somewhat of a praise. I was caught surprised when upon hearing that, Pussy retorted: "She's just new!"

DUH.

Of course, I am so fucking new! I'm not even hiding it. I'm just newly hired in this hospital! But bitch, I am no newbie in the field of nursing. I've got previous work experience! Back to the point, did she really need to give that retort? I'd have to wonder, did she feel threatened that I was liked by her own students?

I heed it not and pay no mind when people say I'm new. Coz I am. Iam new. Being new at a new work field, I am fully aware of those I lack and everything else I need to learn. But there's saying the sentence as if it's an actual fact and there's a way of saying it as if it's a fault, a disadvantage, an insult. Did Pussy intended to ' degrade my status in the eyes of her students? Yeah, I feel so. I can't see the necessity for her to expose a larger portion of her crab mentality at this point since she's obviously more powerful, more formidable and more knowledgeable that I am at the moment. I recognize her. But since I consider her actions as declaring war on me, I'd take her on and grow, and grow, and grow. I'd give her something real and tangible to be threatened about.

I wasn't the least insulted at her words, not even one bit, nor do i feel like it hurt my pride. My mind is sound and I feel very intact. I was just irritated that she'd do that when I genuinely wanted to get along with her at first. And more so irritated that it's a waste she's of the same nationality.

~~

Hence, you are now aware of the two Monsters who've successfully entered my Hunt List. I bet more will come and enter my radar so from now on, I'd have to have a calm mind. It's the only haven now.

~~

NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU ARE FOR SURELY THE WORLD WILL NOT MAKE IT YOUR STRENGTH. THEN IT CAN NEVER BE A WEAKNESS. ARMOR YOURSELF IN IT AND IT WILL NEVER BE USED TO HURT YOU. Tyrion Lannister

MAYBE TOMORROW

I wonder how much can a person change? If time continues its flow, if years go by, just how much can a person transform? With time, will that person keep the past and just accumulate all that is to be, gaining and combining, becoming a new person yet retaining the old self? Or would the new pieces overcome and replace the old memories, the old persona, the old behavior? Would he become a different person then? It's actually scary and terrifying to find how someone who used to be very important can become slowly yet progressively into a stranger, how some moments of friendship can degrade into dust, until all that is left are the name and some faint memory of having known each other. All against and at the mercy of time and natural wave of human development..., strangers are created.


It's even more difficult and suffocating to be at the corner, watching how people undergo such transition, how they all cope and go with the natural phase of life, realizing that no matter the con, of that fake outlook that you yourself have changed, that you're simply the same old you--having remained stagnant and trapped at the same place, having refused all the changes you should've undergone yourself. It's just so pitiful to be desperately clinging on to hopeless memories and fighting against all the evolution and chances of growth you could've had. With every opportunity of change you let pass, the old memories just grow fonder and clearer and with it you can let your old self remain unaffected with the constantly changing environment and people; Hence everything change, and you don't. A hopeless adult cradling the memories of childhood.


Hey, even when you've become a stranger whose face someone wouldn't recognize or whose behavior someone wouldn't identify, someone now completely different from the person remembered, could the old forgotten you still break in and give a glimpse to a poor soul waiting? Would there still be traces or fragments of how you used to be remaining under the new face you now wear?


One just can't help but be curious.

Under the influence of a cold night.

A league to fly over.

Coz only with accepting can one un-cling to childhood.

Grasps loosened. Steps to take with the others.

A merry year to the Wing.