The three months have gone by so swiftly and silently. Today my brother goes back to Philippines and I'm missing him already. I definitely heart wrenchingly miss him. Separation's really a bitch. The unshed tears are almost overwhelming and threatening to leak but I'll bear them all and try my hardest to hold them back. I'll probably just cry at my sleep, quietly and secretly. My mother's doing the crying now so I think I'll do so later and give her the privacy our flat could offer. Of course I understand what she's going through. It's been years since she's seen my brother and it's been more than a year for me already. My blood practically mourns and there's a searing burn inside my throat. I'm feeling lonely at the moment. I could practically taste sadness at the end of my tongue.
I miss my fam in the Philippines. I'm not really a social creature. If anything, I find it hard to truly connect with people. The relatives, the neighbors, the acquaintances and even the previous colleagues, I treat them with indifferent detachment. But those people who I consider family, my immediate blood relative-and-some friends I've inwardly registered as family--those who managed to truly enter my circle, I cling to them so desperately. So my brother's kind of having a double tap right now. He has the blood part and the 'register' part. And I'm missing his presence already. It's such a blow and I can't help but mourn and cry from the separation. I knew how I missed him when I finally saw him 3 months back when he first arrived in this desert country. BUT I felt how separation truly hurts when it's finally time for him to go back. It's such a nasty thing, parting.
This whole event made me realize something. I really ought to work hard and forge myself a path to a country greener and more suitable for us. Working here, even if I'm receiving a higher salary compared when I was in the Philippines, won't ever be enough for me to claim my sister, mother, father and brother and support them. I'm thankful at having a work in a hospital here of course but I need more. So damn much more. Gotta find a country that would grant a residence visa in the long run. This desert country should only be a step--the first step. I can't let myself get careless and contented. Contentment is a seductive, manipulative bastard. A double edged sword. It'll just lull me to compliance, idling and sleep. Gotta be more ambitious and scheming. I must find a way so that I can get my family together right now. It's the only solution I see and I don't ever plan on giving up. I need to get filthy rich. Money is not the solution but lets not be a hypocrite coz we bloody know it's A SOLUTION. It opens possibilities. I need to get a better job. I have a good job right now. But I need something better. I'm thankful all the way and I don't forget all the blessing I received. But I'll continue to brave my way. Still.
My Lil Brother's Masterpiece.
A stupid something he left so we could look at it when we miss him.
Yep. Stupid. But the sentiment's there. ^^
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I also want to give my condolences to a Raftel bro of mine who has lost his father today by car accident. It's always cruel, the death that occurs by accident--by something totally unexpected. No once can truly prepare himself for a loved one's death but accidents triple the pain.
Condolence, my bro, Udo.
I mourn n feel for the staggering pain and grief you feel at the loss of someone dear. As brothers forged by soul I howl with you and hope to bear the world that at the moment may look so cruel and ugly. Condolence. I've got your back. If silent prayers and whispers could move the world, I'd be with you at this moment. Hope I could make this moment a lil more bearable for you. We love u.
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