I’m going home in March. The realization that I’ve finally decided on the matter, no matter if only subconsciously at first, have struck home and brought forth certain emotions: a rush of warmth, glee, anticipation, worry. (The worry on my part was given birth by two areas [1] Will I be able to save up enough money for my venture given that my brother being here in UAE has cost me my savings? And [2] Will my brief vacation from CCU give certain ideas to my hospital sups to transfer me to other unit? Will I still be in CCU when I return? I sure bloody hope so. I’m crossing my fingers now and really, really hoping against all odds. Coz this fear of mine is not without basis. They did this to one previous staff:  She returned from her vac only to find out that she was fucked over and was assigned to the bloody ICU. I love my unit andcardio so much that I cannot stomach a transfer) Hmmm… back to topic: Yes. I’m certainly delighted at the prospect of coming back to my country whose government is run by a bunch of stupid senators afraid of their own people and the truth. (Yeah, we’ll talk about it later.)Vacation. I can smell it like the appetizing summer scent that it is. My blood warms at the thought. I quiver with delight. I’d have been snarling already if I was a beat, which unfortunately I am not.
My mind is dominated by two things. SAVE UP and LOSE WEIGHT. Saving Up money doesn’t need more explanations given that it’s so self explanatory with the world being run by it and all. Losing weight, though, is such a thing so trivial and mundane I kind of want to defend myself. Contrary to what other people believe, I’m not really concerned about my weight. I habitually only become concerned that other people think I should be losing weight. Don’t know why they’re nagging me about it given that it IS my body. Them thinking that it’s a problem and looking at me as if I’ve turned to worse makes me doubt my confidence and makes me insecure if they hit at the times I am weak; (when I’m without caffeine, sleep or yaoi fanfics). I don’t even fear if some unknown/hypothetical bloke may not find my current frame unattractive or not up to his taste. I still stand by my ground that attraction and relationships should be founded first my things not seen, worldly or physical. Coz I know that even if I did attract a specimen of another sex with my tangible flesh, the attraction will not hold up—and he will especially not hold up my interest. Up to now, I believe no one can stand up to par with my attitude, behavior and principles. I love boy to boy. I can get hooked up for months with reading slash fics, watching animes or some series, playing PS games, writing and reading stories without a care for maintaing social contact. I’d expect the others to bend around these seasonal moods. He has to hold a great interest of mine for me not to ignore him. So far, the only male creature who understood me without throwing a punch, a tantrum or some colorful words intended to burry and plant guilt on me IS my gay best friend, NOX. And what a delightful soul the bitch is. I miss him. So in short, the concept of losing weight is not a big deal. BUT I’ll probably do it this time. Only for the reason that I want to be able to maximize my stay on the Phil and be able to run around many places as much as I can…and probably be able to costrip at some of the cosplays that will be there at that time…oh, and probably wear a bathing suit and have a “bangenge” swim (swimming drunk) or have a skinny dip while having a bangenge swim one summer night. I can’t hold up alcohol when my weight is above the ideal BMI, for some reason, my stomach can’t keep it in and I’ll just vomit horribly as soon as I stopped drinking.
So yes. I shall be losing weight. And I don’t expect it to be a great deal. And I’ll prove it shall be easy.

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 I feel so smug about the fact that my plan to go home this coming March is kept secret from my gay best friend. It's his fault for not reading my entries. SO i can keep the blame/knowledge over his head. ^^